Coping with setbacks on the healing path.

There are going to be times on the journey towards healing from any kind of emotional challenge when you might feel as though you’ve taken a step backwards. Whether working with anxiety, trauma, depression, or a general sense of uncertainty about life’s purpose, the path forward can sometimes feel as though it’s filled with setbacks. Particularly on the days when emotional resources are feeling worn down, it can feel like progress is being slowed. If you ever find yourself feeling like the healing process is slow, or that you’ve met one too many obstacles on your way to recovery, please know that your experience is completely normal.

The truth is that life is challenging at times, but nothing remains the same. We might be having a perfectly wonderful day with the sun shining down upon us and a warm breeze in the air, only for the very next day to be awash with a downpouring of rain. Our moods and experiences in this life are quite similar. It is important to be reminded that how we feel is a product of so many different factors. Our emotions are like an inner response system from the body, hardwired to react to the multitude of processes and factors that make up our daily experiences. If we’re overworked, unwell, or have encountered too many stressors, we might become vulnerable to experiencing a dip in mood. When encountering a new environment or novel experience, we might find ourselves having a recurrence of anticipatory anxiety. There are so many reasons why someone might be having a more challenging day.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a difficult day on the road towards emotional healing, I’d like to share some strategies that might be helpful for getting through. These are simple ways of reframing the experience of a difficult day that can help to bring a little more perspective (and peace) when the storm clouds start to roll in.

I first recommend taking a look at the broader picture of your life, to take into account how far you’ve already come on your journey towards greater wellness. A perceived setback on the road to wellness does not define the totality of your experience. It’s just one day amongst many; one part of the journey. In fact, part of how we learn and grow as individuals is by experiencing challenges and learning from them. You have likely coped with a lot up until this point and you’ve made it this far already - so there’s every reason to believe that you can make it through today as well.

I also recommend simply anticipating that some days will be more challenging than others. When we recognize the reality that moods can change like the weather, some days we are more likely to get triggered, or on other days we just feel like there’s less emotional bandwidth to cope with life’s adversities, it becomes possible to be more gentle with oneself.

For instance, expecting that some days are hard helps us to prepare for those days instead of ruminating on self-criticisms about how we think things should have gone. We can learn to accept that on the uphill road towards emotional recovery there are going to be times when we stumble a bit and need to take time to tend to our wounds. This could look like turning towards self-care and connecting with supports, all the while acknowledging that tomorrow offers us a new dawn.

I lastly offer a metaphor that I often share with clients that helps to describe the journey towards any kind of emotional healing work. It entails an analogy of climbing a mountain. If we were to set out on a journey to climb Mount Everest, for instance, it is unlikely that we’d do it all in a single go. We’d plan our trek carefully, making stops at a series of basecamp sites where we’d take various pauses on the journey, allowing any inclement weather to pass, map out the terrain, and gather some additional resources before journeying onwards. Our challenging days are often asking us to slow down, nourish ourselves, and gather resources before proceeding to the next lag of the journey. A pause is not a failure. It is simply a pause - a much needed break to give yourself the gentle care that is required before continuing on.